sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
