he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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