I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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