I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
