Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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