The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
