there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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