there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
