You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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