I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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