She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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