Whod you bang
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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