I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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