May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
