Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
