Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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