I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
