You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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