2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
