don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
