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How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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