i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
