Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Quick, to the slutcave!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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