So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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