so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize