It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
