also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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