i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
