pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
