i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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