So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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