WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
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BRING THE BAGELS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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