Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..