WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
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BRING THE BAGELS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half