I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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