OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
