I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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