Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
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Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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