Plan B is the new Plan A
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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