who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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