Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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