Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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