My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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