I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
