How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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