He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
