did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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