I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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