Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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