she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just invented taco cereal.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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