he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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