Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
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Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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