do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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