He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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