woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
