I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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