Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
