im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
