we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
