No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
