before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
