she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
