i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
