I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
