I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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