omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
