just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
