The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
