Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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