What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
