Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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