I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
