piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
my poor anus
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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