Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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