it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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