I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
