You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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